{"id":78,"date":"2022-12-28T11:01:43","date_gmt":"2022-12-28T11:01:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bdsmsex.co.uk\/kink-blog\/?p=78"},"modified":"2022-12-28T11:08:16","modified_gmt":"2022-12-28T11:08:16","slug":"edge-play-how-to-safely-experiment-with-darker-kinks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bdsmsex.co.uk\/kink-blog\/edge-play-how-to-safely-experiment-with-darker-kinks\/","title":{"rendered":"Edge Play: How to Safely Experiment with Darker Kinks"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry about the darkness in my soul. It ignites me like an embered coal.\u201d <\/em>
\u2013 Anon<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve written before about the darkness we all have<\/strong><\/a> within us somewhere, and the ways in which I feel it is important to honour the dark parts of ourselves rather than running from them. I believe that consensual kink is one of the places that we can safely revel in our darkness in a controlled and safe way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m deliberately not defining what a \u201cdark kink\u201d is here, because it\u2019s different for everyone. One person\u2019s hardcore edge play is another person\u2019s average Friday night. If you\u2019re playing around your <\/em>edges, you\u2019re doing edge play, and this advice will be useful to you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ensure your partner is enthusiastic about going there with you<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Consent is always vital, of course. But it takes on a new level when you\u2019re experimenting with your edges or your darkness. Edge play is inherently risky \u2013 even if there\u2019s limited physical danger, it\u2019s entirely possible for someone to end up triggered or traumatised. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This applies to Tops, too, by the way. Tops get to give or withhold consent just as much as bottoms do \u2013 and Tops can also be traumatised by engaging in something that they\u2019re not fully consenting to or something that goes wrong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice RACK<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Risk-aware consensual kink, or RACK, acknowledges that we cannot eliminate all risks inherent in sex and BDSM. But we can take steps to understand and mitigate them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So if you\u2019re going to try something edgy, take the time to understand the physical, mental, and emotional risks in what you want to do. Once you understand them, put <\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the way: when you start doing this, you might decide the reality is too risky and you\u2019d like to keep this kink as fantasy-only, for now or forever. That\u2019s fine too \u2013 you get to pull the plug at any stage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have an aftercare plan<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t try edge play or a kink that\u2019s straying into darker territory for you the night before a big meeting or an early start or a long drive. Ideally, if you\u2019re going to experiment with edgier kinks, it\u2019s best to do so when you\u2019ll have plenty of time to recover, take things very easy, and take care of yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Talk to your partner about an aftercare plan ahead of time. Ensure they\u2019re fully briefed on what you\u2019re likely to need and willing to provide it \u2013 and willing to adapt on the fly if the reality turns out to be slightly different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A good aftercare plan might involve a long sleep, time to cuddle and debrief with your partner, and your favourite snacks within easy reach. Remember that drop<\/strong><\/em><\/a> from an intense scene can hit several days later, so plan how you\u2019ll handle it if that happens. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take it slowly<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s always better to come away from a scene still wanting more than to come away upset or traumatised because you went too far. Remember that there will always be a next time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take things slowly, check in often, and don\u2019t try to do everything all at once. If you\u2019re experimenting with a new kink that\u2019s edgy for you, maybe start out just by reading some erotica together or doing some dirty talk around it. When you do start playing, only go as far as feels good\u2026 and try to stop before you hit the \u201cshit, we went too far\u201d point.<\/p>\n\n\n\n